Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
