i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
