you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
