matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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