Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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