K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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