When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
