No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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