My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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