3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
