were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
