I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
