You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
