# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
