im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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