my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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