like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
