I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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