my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
