Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
