are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
