Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
