MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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