...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
