Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish you could order shots online.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
