I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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