I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
