On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
