Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
