So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
