I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
