Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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