please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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