do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
