She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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