...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
