were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
