i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
