Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
