Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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