I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
