Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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