it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
