im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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