wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My vagina is very pro this idea
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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