do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
