11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
