A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
