I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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