I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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