just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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