The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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