I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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