You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
