Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
