My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
