Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
