Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
