dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
