I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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