That's when you crack a 10am beer
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's blow job season.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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