if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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