okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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